4 Important Reasons saying ‘NO’ excessively to Kids is Harmful

Parenting is a journey that comes with its own set of challenges and joys. It is one of the toughest tasks, it’s not just raising a kid. You are nourishing the future of this world, what the next generation becomes depends on you. As a Parent, you have to strike a delicate balance while raising your kids with love and care and also preparing them for the challenges of the real world. We often get confused about what is good for kids and what good parenting is.
Keeping all these views in mind, we have come to a serious discussion, about why we should not say NO to our kids, or we should restrict its use to some extent. Here are the 4 most important reasons which will make you feel that you should avoid the frequent use of No to kids, as it can harm kid’s mental health and kill their creativity and curiosity.

1. What Mind Perceives Body Achieves

Here in this picture, we can see a fully grown elephant tied with a single chain. Do you think these chains can hold the elephant? Yes, it’s very true for this elephant, because the elephant’s mind has perceived it can’t break those chains so it never even tries.

Why do you think this elephant’s mind perceived this?

Of course not that the elephant is told that these chains are made of most strongest material on earth. Yes, you are guessing it right, it’s because when the elephant was small it used to be tied with this chain. It must have tried very hard to break free at that time, but couldn’t succeed, because of being small and weak. Which eventually left an impression in its mind that it couldn’t break those chains. The impression carried on when the elephant grew big, and its mind still thought that it couldn’t break those chains, so it stayed tied there.

Now the point is do you want your kids to grow with this kind of psychology? If no then refrain yourself from extensive use of NO. The extensive use of NO will work like those chains. The more you use it, the more is kid’s creativity gets killed. Your NO’s are only going restrict your child’s mind to think freely.

2. The Mind Cannot Comprehend the Negative

Let us start with this small activity. How about if I say to you “Don’t imagine a cat”, what happened? Did you not imagine a cat? Yes, you did. I told you not to, but you did it, you imagined a cat in your mind.
Now try this.
“Don’t imagine a dog“,
Yes! you imagined a dog now. that’s how the mind works,
I had intentionally put a cow’s picture in this section because if I had put a cat’s or a dog’s photo you would have thought that your mind imagined them because of that photo, but that’s not the case. This implies that your mind only processed the information ‘ cat and dog’ and ignored the word NO.

Now, let’s move to the next activity,
Just recall the time when you were riding a bicycle and you saw a stone or a pit on the road ahead. If you kept looking at it and constantly telling your mind not to run over it, maximum times you might have run over it. Because your mind didn’t interpret NOT to ride over that stone or pit. It only focused on that stone or pit.
Same way when we tell our kid to NOT do something or NOT to have something, their mind ignores ‘NOT’ and focus on the rest of the sentence.
For this reason, we should refrain from using sentences with ‘NOT’ to our kids, and instead urge them to do the task properly. For instance, if the kid is holding a mug filled with water or some other liquid, instead of saying ” Don’t spill it”, we should try to say “Hold the mug properly with both hands”.

3 ‘NO’ pushes kids away from us.

How many times has it happened with you that you come back from the office and your kid is eagerly waiting for you and he/she immediately starts telling you how the day was, what they did, and all. But you just tell them “No, not now I’m tired” and turn away.

You are sitting and watching TV and your kid wants to play with you but your answer is a ‘NO’. You are doing something and your kid comes up to you trying to tell you something, but the answer is “No, please don’t disturb”.

Read: How to Reduce Screen Time for Children.
Ever wondered what will happen if they stop coming to you?

The more frequently you are using NO, the more you are pushing your kid away. They will become secretive and start hiding their emotions from you. If you don’t listen to little things now, they won’t be telling their big secrets when they grow up. You are creating a barrier, a communication gap that will only get wider as time passes.
Right now your kid may be in a habit of asking for permissions, like can I watch tv or can I have that thing or can I play with that toy. After some time they won’t ask for consent as they will assume the answer will be NO, so they start doing things on their own. This is not good because they still don’t know what’s wrong or right and may end up in difficult situations.

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4 Lamarck’s theory of use and disuse.

The theory of use and disuse of organs was proposed by Lamarck. According to this theory, the organs which are used more develop more, and those which are used less will degenerate. The organs which are used less become vestigial organs. Vestigial organs are organs in a body that are no longer functional the way they were in the ancestors. Some examples of vestigial organs in humans are the muscles of the ear, wisdom teeth, the appendix, and the tailbone.

Wondering why we are discussing the Use and Disuse theory.

It’s because we need to understand that the NO can have the same impact on our Child. Suppose your kid is pulling or pushing a chair. And you shout at him “No, don’t do it”. You may be stopping him because of the annoying sound the chair is making when dragged on the floor. He may stop doing it. But what the kid was learning here, is the measure of his strength, what force he is using to move it, coordination of mind, and muscle. But what we did, was we stopped it. So if we do that often(saying no and stopping the kid), the kid will eventually start reducing the use of his mind, body, and creativity.

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Kids have the curiosity to explore the possibilities in the world, but if we restrict them then these capabilities will start to decline and gradually will disappear. Which we obviously don’t want. So don’t say no, but monitor what they are doing just to make sure that they don’t get themselves harmed.

Remember, effective discipline involves finding a balance between setting clear boundaries and allowing children to learn from their experiences. By adopting alternative approaches to saying “NO“, you can help foster a supportive and nurturing environment that facilitates their growth and development, which will develop a good understanding, cooperation, and a positive parent-child relationship.

Do share your views in the comment section.