As we start our journey of discovering the ways how to say no to kids, it’s important to realize the need to say NO sometimes. Saying a “NO” is sometimes necessary, as it helps kids understand limits, learn self-discipline, and teach them to cope with failures. The use of “NO” also prepares them to face the real world. We also use “NO” for their safety, as they are unaware of dangers and sometimes unknowingly get themselves into difficult situations.
As we know now, the use of “NO” is unavoidable. But it can be replaced or we can say that it can be conveyed in a better way because extensive use of “NO” can also devalue its importance. Here we are considering Alternative Ways of saying a “NO”. There are situations where using alternatives to the word “NO” can be more effective in fostering a positive parent-child relationship.
The benefits of not saying the word “NO” regularly must have encouraged you to use alternative phrases. You can also learn why the frequent use of NO is harmful for kids.
How to Say No to Kids without using the word “NO”
Saying no to kids should be constructive and respectful, and the key is to Respond and Not to React. When we react to any situation the outcome can be positive or negative. But responding is different, it is accessing the situation consciously and thoughtfully trying to get a positive result. With kids, we have to be considerate and thoughtful before responding to any of their acts, requests, or demands. Here are 8 alternative ways and phrases you can use instead of a direct “NO”:
1. Distract and Divert instead of saying NO
Kids may come up with some requests that you may find not suitable at that moment. For instance, if on a hot summer day, your kid wants you to play with him outdoors in scorching sunlight. How are you going to say no? You know that the heat outside is unbearable and, you and your may fall ill.
But the point is, how you are going to deny your kid’s request?
By simply refusing to play?
And if your kid still insists, then by scolding?
Here we should see what is the best option for both, the kid and you.
Just be calm and engage them in a conversation to distract them. And then divert them by thinking of something that may interest them like some game or activity that can be done indoors. Like playing hide and seek inside the house, or any other game. One more thing parents should pay attention is to childproofing your home before doing any indoor activity or playing inside the home.
You may try these phrases; “That’s an interesting idea, but how about doing something more interesting at the moment.” or “Let’s think of something else we can do instead.”
2. Do not Confuse the Kid by Saying NO
Your kid may be willing to give in to the rejection of his request, but sometimes he gets confused about what else, he does not know what to do then and resists your rejection. So you should be guiding your kid to something else which you feel is good and suitable for him and he also finds it interesting. Give them some alternative which they enjoy doing.
Like in the above instance where the kid wants to play outdoors on a summer afternoon, a simple no or refusal will leave him confused. Something came into his mind and he shared, but a straightforward denial left him clueless. The kid’s mind will think what now, playing outside is not allowed. If the kid’s mind does not come up with alternatives, then the kid will again ask to play outside and will keep on insisting. Therefore instead of saying repeatedly no, give the kid a good alternative and evade the confusion.
Try saying this: “I understand why you want that, but let’s see what are the options we have.” or “Let’s find another solution.“
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3. Delayed Gratification can Replace a NO
Suppose your kid comes to you asking for candy, but you don’t want him to have it, because you know what will happen next. Your kid won’t stop for one candy, he will ask for more and all that leads to teeth problems.
Instead of saying no, try doing this.
Give him an option of having 1 right now or 2 later on.
Whatever option your kid chooses, it will be good for you both. If your kid decides to have 1 at that moment, then he won’t be asking for more candies. And if he decides on 2 candies later on, that is also good. Possibilities are that he will forget afterward. What if he doesn’t? Then give him 2 candies, he has earned them. He learned an important lesson about delayed gratification. Both are a win-win situation for you.
Try these phrases: “We can consider it in the future.”, “Not right now, but maybe later.”, “I appreciate your request, but it’s not the right time for it.”.
4. Saying No by Gesture
Before the kids develop an understanding of speaking and listening, they communicate with us through signs and gestures. For if they want to go outside they point towards the door, if you are carrying them in your arms and they want to get down on the floor, they try to slide down. We also communicate to them in gestures, like putting a finger on our lips to tell them to be quiet or shake our head side-to-side for a no.
Your gesture can speak louder than your words. Just shake your head looking into the eyes of your kid without saying a word and the message will be conveyed clearly that it is a No, without even saying it.
5. Recall Past Experiences
Some experiences leave an impression on our minds. For example, if a curious kid exploring things touches a hot coffee mug accidentally, he or she immediately retrieves their hand and will never touch a coffee mug in the future. A burning sensation in the mouth after eating a chilly makes a kid not have it in his or her food. Same way many instances give some experience that can be used to explain to our kids why they should do or not do something by reminding them of past experiences.
Let’s pause for a while and have a look at a real-life experience.
My kid is fond of chocolates and candies, and it’s true for most of the kids. One day he had a toothache so I took him to a pediatric dentist to assess the situation. Although everything was normal, the procedure carried out by the dentist was alarming my son. I talked to the dentist and he affirmed everything was good. But the feeling I got there, was to use this experience of my son as a tool.
After that incident whenever he asked for candy or chocolate, I used to remind him of that experience and tell him that the dentist has said no to candies. Then he started to curb his affection for sweets, candies, and chocolates. He started refusing to have chocolate.
For instance, we were at a friend’s house and my friend offered him chocolate. He took it, came to me, and said “Mama, aunt gave me this chocolate, but the dentist has said no to have chocolates. My teeth will get cavities”.
That time I realized that he wanted to eat chocolate but resisted eating it remembering the experience and he is coming to me to ask if it’s alright to have one. I told him to let me ask the dentist if it was that serious, held my phone near my ear, and pretended if I was talking to the dentist. Then I told him that the dentist has said that it’s alright to have chocolate once in a while, but he has also advised me to brush your teeth regularly. And after that incident, he brushes his teeth regularly without me reminding and I am so happy for this.
6. Make a Wishlist Instead of Saying No
It often happens that your kid comes home from school or the playground with a strong desire to have a specific toy or something that he saw some other kid had. You may try to convince with your logic but they are adamant with their wish. To deal with such demands make a Wishlist for them. On occasions, like their birthday or any festival, pick items from their Wishlist and give them as presents.
This way they will be willing to add items to their Wishlist instead of demanding them whenever they see those items with other kids or in a shop or anywhere. You just have to remind that the item is added to their Wishlist and they will be getting it any time in the future.
Try saying these: “We need to prioritize something else at the moment, so we can add this thing to your Wishlist.”, “I appreciate your enthusiasm, but it’s not a good fit for us right now, you can this to your Wishlist.”
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7. Fulfil Some Promises
Not every time you have to say no or refuse your kid’s requests. Sometimes you should give them what they want, which is in your capacity. This is to make them realize that they are not always ignored and that they know that you are not always avoiding them. It also gives them a sense that if their demands are genuine they will be fulfilled. It will strengthen your bond with your kid.
Moreover, you can use these fulfilled promises as a point of reference. When sometimes you have to decline their requests. Some of your kid’s demands can be dealt with by humbly negotiating them to be fulfilled at some appropriate time by referring to the fulfilled one. The reference will give them surety that requests are heard and fulfilled and will sometimes avoid the disruptive behavior that they otherwise show when denied something.
8. Straight Forward Saying NO to Kids
When it’s non negotiable and you have say a no, the “NO” should be straight forward and unchanging. Your kid will try you to give in to a YES by pleading, begging or even whining, but you should be firm with a NO. If you change your No to YES, they will know a way how to deal with these NOs and the NO will loose its value.
Situation will arrive when your kid’s request will of such nature which can get them into danger or get them injured. Situations in which you can not explain the consequences or you kid is not matured enough to understand, you have to use a straight forward NO. And this NO will actually work, because you are using it sparingly and kid will atleast understand that my Parents don’t usually say NO, but if now they are saying it must be for their good.
Finding a balance between setting boundaries and encouraging open dialogue is essential in your interactions with children. All these tips may not work for you, but these tips can help you find your own way for saying no to your kids without saying the word “NO” Remember the key to your bonding with your kid is to Respond and not to React.
Do you find these tips helpful or relatable to your parenting experience. Do share it with us by writing in the comment section.
